there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
