The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
