I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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