No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
