I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
