how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
