you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
