She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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