It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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