Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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