I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
