Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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