He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
