when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
