guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
