You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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