just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
