Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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