I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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