I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
