I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
