Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
