Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
