They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
