Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
