Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
