Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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