But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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