dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woke up backwards on a recliner
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
