the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
