Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
