Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
