I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
