i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
