he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
