when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
