At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
