i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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