Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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