he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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