His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
