Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
