you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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