I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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