the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
