I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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