i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
