we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
