this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
