chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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