Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
