I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
