When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
