either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
