did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
